Rambly Rantings and Mumbly Musings

My ADHD can easily be described this way. Imagine something tightly wound together, like a spool of thread. This represents my focus. When I first wake up and take my Adderall, my spool is wound tight. My focus on the task at hand is nearly absolute. As the day progresses, entropy takes hold and the thread starts to unwind from the spool in clumps, almost like a reverse cotton candy machine. My focus starts wavering, and by afternoon it may be all but completely gone. I get listless, lethargic, and unable to focus. I get irritable because I have trouble comprehending things. My thread continues to unravel more and more until it reaches a critical point at which it remains in stasis for a period. Then, as I truly get tired, not just foggy and listless, my focus comes back to me. My thread starts to become tightly wound around the spool again. It's very irritating that during what should be the most active part of the day, my mind doesn't function, and in the morning and before bed I have trouble shutting it off. Smoking weed seems to slow this focus entropy down somewhat, but sometimes I overdo it and I devolve into a drooling idiot. It's hard to manage, and sometimes it makes me prone to flying off the handle or being less assertive than I need to be or should be. Sometimes it puts me into a depression because it makes me feel like I cannot make any headway.

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To me, the true measure of success is the ability to maintain your humanity in light of unrelenting, capitalist pressure.
Capitulation to money when your empathy center says "No" spells the downfall of your own humanity.
We are all the same. We all bleed.
We are all
Made. Of. Meat.

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We called him the car a mel squeeze becasue he shit his pants
We called her the car a Mel squeeze because she shit her pants
We called them the car a mel squeeze because they shit their paaaaaaaaaaaaaaants
Ohmm muh Macka mookie makka
Ohcha chunka chookie whacker
Who will even eat that cracker
With the car a mel squeeze on the wrapper

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Panel 1: Person wakes up in morning, goes to computer, right hand on computer mouse is now fly leg
Panel 2: Their partner, who awoke hours before comes in to check on them and immediately asks if fly-person has asked Reddit about the condition
Panel 3: Reddit post with fly-person and their partner and huge upvote number
Panel 4: An Onlyfans video of fly-person, their partner, and other interested parties with millions of views is shown on computer screen
Panel 5: Zooms out to person with pants down that says "That's Kafkaesque"

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A caveman saves another caveman's life. Each has a family that goes separate ways. On populates Europe, the other Asia. The Asians cross the land bridge into North America. Europeans cross the Atlantic millennia later. Final panel is dead natives.

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It's amazing how elegantly messy Deftones are. You can tell Chino is lovingly choreographing the chaos to make such cohesive disjointedness come to life. It's part of the reason the band is still one of my absolute favorite bands more than a decade after first learning about them.

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Evolution is one of my favorite things to think about when I'm blazed outta my gourd. It makes it so easy to visualize a life in the trees millions of years ago. One of my go-to stories to visualize is our own (duh). It's endlessly fascinating thinking about what caused the genetic rift between us and our chimp cousins. There are certainly many theories, but the latest I've heard is that a population of the last common ancestor of chimps and humans couldn't hack life in the trees. Their arms were scrawny or their chests were flabby or something. So a population of ancestors of chimps bullied them out of the trees and onto the ground.  Remarkably, they must not have all been immediately eaten by lions or leopards or whatever cause baby, we exist. Rather they seemed to start picking up on the fact that working together makes it easier to survive.

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Anytime I am presented with a new piece of information I can quickly disseminate whether or not I should investigate it further by thinking about it critically. For myself, that involves following a few simple steps

• Is the information or claim incongruous with what I know about reality?
• Example: "The earth is flat." I don't have to do much of anything to disprove this claim for I can recall the earth's curvature was proven by one of those dead Greek guys and prove it with a quick Googlin'. Plus, I've flown on a LOT of planes.

• Is the information coming from a reliable source?
• Example: "Ivermectin cures COVID-19: Article from Tucker Carlson" This man admitted in a court of law that he is a grifter and dons his Tucker Fuckstick persona strictly in an attempt to grift money out of unsuspecting QAnon wackjobs. More importantly, he is not a medical professional at liberty to dispense medical advice. Easy one to ignore.

• Try to be aware of fads, especially diet fads. Most humans will be perfectly healthy on a diet of mostly fruit and veggies and some meat interspersed. Get B12 and sunshine and some exercise and you should feel healthy, at least physically.
• Also note that diet is NOT a substitute for any sort of mental health treatment.

• Remember underlying all of this is a capitalist financial system that creates financial incentive to spread disinformation for profit.
• It's very important to research an article's sources if something seems off. It's possible to point to one person for the existence of the entire anti-vax movement because of his involvement in a scam to get the MMR vaccine separated into three separate vaccinations. Things like this are huge red flags that should make you immediately doubt any miraculous claims

Huge chunks of information can be dealt with by simply applying the first two checks. You get better at critical thinking as your breadth of knowledge increases and your ability to recall facts improves. The most difficult part of critical thinking is the ability to remove your personal biases when it comes to absorbing information presented by a well-qualifed individual that is ALSO incongruous with reality. In these instances, and especially depending on interest of the subject matter, it can be satisfying to dive deeper.

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You see existence as inevitable. I see it as nearly impossible. The phenomenon of existing, of experiencing constant external stimuli and reacting to it, moment to moment, is simply mindboggling. Our brains are fantastic for understanding how to live on our earth, in our world, but are simply too feeble to comprehend something as complex as being.

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Feelings are for bottling up then putting into a song.

I am a manifestation of energy known as consciousness borrowing a skin suit.

Obstacles are what you make them to be. Literally. There is no such thing. They are a construct of your own mind.

Video game design is so fascinating because it's an excellent demonstration of catching a glimpse of the man behind the curtain. It throws the "What is reality, really?" directly into the spotlight.

Just douching along at the pace of a first-time Matrix viewer.

Watching the couch on the TV could just mean you are watching a really boring or entertaining episode of the Simpsons.

Religion is applying the logic of a pedant to everyday life as a life philosophy.

Yes I'm sure Einstein would love the Internet. He surely wouldn't have a heart attack due to the sheer number of quotes wrongfully attributed to him.

Airline magazine thought for the day: Will anyone ever finish Mt. Rushmore? If we are going to desecrate an ancient Sioux holy place, shouldn't we at least have the common decency to finish what we started there?

They always lie about the number of people on a particular flight. This flight was "full" and there are about 10 empty seats in my vicinity.

Shit my mind says: Baby buffs are super adorbs but I would not like one as pet.

Don't Welch on a bet, Ocean Spray on it instead.

Cringe mightily at my behavior, so much that your brow ridge grows by a half inch.

Cringe mightily at this crazy woman's behavior. It's like she wants to act like a Kardashian, but her ass is stuck in Delta Coach. You're not as fabulous as you wish dear. Nobody is (except Sir Ian McKellen). She's doing these leg stretch thingers.

Pitching through the blood-filled canals of our secret desires, dancing, crimson soaked and free of wretched emotion, beings of burden-less existence

I wish my movements and gestures could be more nuanced, more purposeful, and more meaningful. Right now I feel like I move like a wildebeest and I want to be lithe like a lion. Oh, to have that confidence.

Is the seemingly pointless and definitely aimless action of collecting trivia culminating to something more grandiose in my lifetime? How arrogant to think so. Life has no plan for anyone. We are all fragile, a flight of stairs, carelessly constructed or no, could end each and every one of us. We can prepare, to an extent, but chance and luck are always going to have a foot in the door.

What an utterly hellacious collection of scribbles.

The point of society is to improve life for future generations, right? The key is to remember this and somehow reconcile the random and unfair nature of existence without losing your mind to the cognitive dissonance this creates. Your best just has to be good enough.

The Desert Bar is the Mecca for iPad camera users.

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Within every person there exists a component necessary to create great innovation. Some possess the great creativity and vision required for invention, others possess the drive and motivation to make it a reality. The truth is most people don't possess a balance of both and find it very hard to fill in the blanks themselves. Often the artistically inclined are too busy navel-gazing to create, and those hungry and driven do not possess the creative capacity for true innovation. It takes a village, a meshing of these traits, to move progress along, for good or ill.

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Ponderously slow and devoid of all substance, your life is as infinitesimally as important as that of a termite.

This was what? The hell was I babbling about? Doesn't matter had a haircut.

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What the hell is going on in row 4? They are cleaning the ceiling and walls of the plane. What exploded over there?

Chicken biscuits. That is all.

And by the way there is a girl in that row that unfortunately looks a lot older than she probably is.

Time to be positive. Time to kill time by killing. Two birds, one stone. A penny saved is a melted piece of shaped copper and zinc earned. What a churlish pony. Time to give him a haircut. Long branches and saloons.

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Cramped by our own baseless guilt into boxes shaped like shame, finally escaped, finding a terse peace, jealously guarding the precious seconds offered at inopportune times, inappropriate times, savoring them, sucking all marrow until a spent, deflated cadaver is all that remains

A cadaver, representative of our peace, how fitting that mortality be symbolic of what we craved all along, elegantly depressing in its motionlessness, the final rest, at the bottom of life's dreary, seemingly endless chasm, it putrefies and decays and rots

But amazingly, these happenings are subtle machinations, gently nourishing and cradling, make the notion that life is born of strife and chaos seems insincere

Our peace be a cadaver, our stillness leading to yet more chaos, the tranquility of a corpse, the birthing and flourishing of myriad life, grotesque in its abundance, it smothers the silently screaming bodies piled in the chasm

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damn i just realized that i had racing, anxious thoughts as far back as five years old

My mom used to own a horse when I was around five or six and went riding quite often during the evening. I used to obsess about her safety during her rides, my brain constantly conjuring up horrific scenarios in which she would be hit while crossing the highway or fall into a ditch and get smashed by the horse's weight or another, even more awful illusion of disaster. Sometimes it felt so real it made me cry, even though none of my apocalyptic prognostications ever came to pass.

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I saw how a fungi sees the universe. It's via neon backlit structure that biologically resembles the fractal like exoskeletons of diatoms. I know this isn't real but it should be. A fungi has a way more interesting like than perceived. I am like a fungi. I took many years to mature outwardly but during that time I was facing much inward strife. I was dreaming in neon diatoms. Maybe that was why it was so easy to fall back into old habits. The fevered creative energy of mushrooms is in full swing. This is what helped bill hicks write his shows and music. And way before him many others including the first human to birth language. Also my shoulder is hurting but less and my hands are shaking and seem so primate like. I feel connected yet disconnected to my relatives up the evolutionary ladder. What did this do to Wednesday? What's it doing to me? It's making me cry thinking of all of this creative energy that feels like is spewing through my brain. I feel so sick but like I'm overdosed on too much Adderall but still super ADHD. I may jerk off. Clicking the B button is making me lose it. I will cum and die to porn. I'm going to try it now.

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In my next life I want to be a rich family's golden doodle...

Or an orca

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i am this meatbag
this meatbag is i
when it expires then
i surely will die
but fear not my friends
for electric energy
be scattered to the winds
and await the future
to gather and
create a new me

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I don't know how I'm doing it yet again but it seems we are cruising right into the hottest part of the year once again. It's been over 110 degrees every day for at least a week now but thankfully the A/C is running like a champ. Everything metal burns your fingers when you touch it, there is no moisture but it's hard to breathe in anyhow, and the pollution and pollen particulates are particularly pesky right now. I hope to survive until the winter, which makes living here all the more worthwhile.

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Come with me on a thought experiment into madness

Wherein humanity extincts themselves and we follow the rise of the pigeon

Yo get me a smoothie
With banana and berries
make that shit cold

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Generalization allows adaptation. Thinking in generalizations allows for more open-minded ness

Specificity implies a type of "stickiness" is in effect and this will make a person less adaptable as they view their world in terms of specific objects, experiences, and thought patterns and have a hard time generalizing those things

The second type of memory is far more prevalent in the animal kingdom with only a small number of species seeming to posses the ability to generalize Other primates and corvids come to mind, and some breeds of dogs, especially border collies, seem to be pretty good at generalizing

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This year, the candles on my birthday cake are from the United States of America burning. This year, the pain of those being repressed, neglected, and abused is represented in almost every major city.

Empathy is just a specific way of using one's imagination. Those that were unpopular, bullied,or otherwise traumatized during their teenage years probably have the most highly developed sense of empathy

It's no wonder those who never had to settle for NO, always being coddled don't have much empathy. It was never a skill necessary for them to develop. This is unnatural and leads to misanthropic and violent tendencies as the individual has little capacity to understand what they are inflicting on another

Cops are meddlers. Community needs to police itself. Defund the police. Use those tax dollars to fund initiatives that will repair the community. Set up treatment centers for addicts. Set up communal housing for homeless. Set up soup kitchens and food banks for the hungry. In the short term figuring out the logistics and details around such a massive change is daunting, but it's stupid to believe it's impossible. Change is painful, but pain can be a great teacher.

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Something about going to Japan as Chris Pratt and having a dead James Franco talk to you about recovering some weird artifacts like plastic red dice to a board game, old photos, a weird turtle shell, etc.
Lots of jumping from high places
Camping while suspended from a rope
Being in Japan and learning every student gets a Nissan rogue
Being inside a sound proof area learning this information 2nd hand
Funny dynamic between another dude and a girl. Dude was like Jason Biggs, girl was Elliott from Scrubs
Being in a huge old house on a Cliffside while a violent thunderstorm brewed around which was majestic to watch
Artifacts arriving in care packages but in own handwriting, dissolving in the rain
Learning those items were deadly importance to keeping balance in a twilight world to prevent spread of unchecked ill will long after being destroyed
Unsure if the plot of a dream or actual events and it being of the same importance either way
Soundtrack by Steam Powered Giraffe

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Humans are inherently egalitarian
Contempt and hatred for other humans because they are in a "lower social class" is arbitrary and literally against human nature
This hatred manifests in oppression of those who are "lower class" using violent means
As a reminder ALL HUMANS ARE EQUAL AND HATRED IS TAUGHT ARBITRARILY BASED ON THE AMOUNT OF SHINY INGOTS IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
Nobody is "bad" or "good" but those that constantly reinforce systems which go against actual human nature of cooperation and individual egalitarian representation are causing our species to progress sub-optimally at the very least in a technological manner
Meaning that if humanity was not divided on arbitrary points that progression toward better and less wasteful and less toxic ANYTHING would be much faster.

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Never forget that the point of life is to reproduce and make more life. Life is ephemeral for this very reason. The only thing that matters to evolution is that an individual is fit enough to pass on its genetic code. Everything else is just fluff to enjoy.

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